Infertility and dealing with the unfulfilled longing for a baby can be painful, even devastating. To make matters more difficult it can feel like everyone wants to offer unsolicited advice. Well-intentioned people tell their friends and family “to just relax” or “think positive,” without realizing how damaging and disheartening this advice can be.
On the other hand, having strong positive beliefs about one’s capabilities to conceive, or having a strong inner knowing that one day they will be a parent can actually play a powerful role in making it happen. It’s true. Kind of like applying the law of attraction to baby making. You know, The Secret.
So how do you cope with thoughts of infertility?
As a fertility counsellor, I am so lucky that I get to witness what some may deem miraculous.
Below is Sara’s story. Her narrative is not unique. I see it often, in various different ways. But I think sharing it can be instructive and uplifting to women who are struggling with their faith about their fertility.
Sara is 42.
She met her husband in her late thirties. They started trying to conceive and it happened right away. At fifteen weeks, they discovered that the fetus was not growing properly and had significant issues. Based on the genetic testing, they were advised to terminate the pregnancy. They did. It was heartbreaking, but Sara is incredibly resilient.
Sara had hope and strength to keep trying.
And then she had two more miscarriages. At this point Sara and her husband went to the fertility clinic. They ran a bunch of tests to uncover that Sara had extremely low AMH as well as high FSH. They were told to start exploring donor eggs. They tried one IVF cycle but Sara never responded to the drugs.
For me, it was hard to see Sara suffer. Even though I see women struggling with these issues daily, it is never easy. I offered support in any way that I could. I did a few reiki sessions on her and we talked. We talked a lot!
Sara had this unwavering inner belief that she had one good egg. No matter how bad things got for her, she never abandoned the possibility of her conceiving on her own. Her belief that she had one good egg propelled her to give it one more try.
And then, for the fourth time, she got pregnant. She was so excited. I was so nervous. She told me this time was different. I was skeptical. She was right. She was so right.
She had one good egg. And now, I actually think she may have more than one.
Sara is due with a healthy baby girl next month. I wonder how things could have turned out differently if she gave up on herself and her body. She never did, despite what doctors told her. Sara had faith. She knew that the doctors and statistics were not omniscient.
Sara’s story of hope highlights the importance of our inner beliefs about our capabilities and ourselves. It is connected to the mind-body relationship and how what we tell ourselves, whether out loud or in our minds, is reflected back through reality.
The reality will be a baby in Sara’s arms this March.